Faking It

One of the greatest lessons I learned while playing collegiate lacrosse for Holly Gutielus was that if you do not have confidence then fake it. If all of your preparation could not give you the confidence you need- fake it. No one will know.

I have taken this advice to most of my pursuits and it has always taken me the distance. I am blessed with a genuine sense of confidence and so when I fake it it is perceived as natural. In my current economic development work I am continually faking it. I am a critical thinker and can figure out most things but, common, the only ECON class I ever took was a 300-level one that I had to withdraw from.

I mean today I got online banking for the first time. I have been just sort of guessing with my check book. The lady who works next door asked, "And you are teaching high school economics once a week?" Yeah. I guess. So I sort of just use my common sense and confidence and when I do all of these tasks that make up my job. Like facilitating, teaching marketing skills, writing about why buying local is important... And it seems to work although sometimes I do get nervous.

I've been noticing recently that almost all of my friends are in this same boat where they feel like they are faking it. I do economic development in a rural area where stakes are not high. But my friends who are faking it are kids in law, medical, and phd school or have decent jobs. Just this morning I was talking to my freshman year roommate who's sister had just graduated from the mfa program at Columbia. Now she is a writer. That is her occupation. This kid (who is 29) feels like she has to fake being a writer. What. So here we all are, educated, future leaders in our great county and we are faking it. How can that be?

I think when people finally stop feeling like they are faking it, it means they have finally grown up. Maybe being an adult is feeling like you have enough skills and enough confidence in them that all of your work feels true. This sort of falls into line with the lameness of adulthood. (Lameness= being fiscally responsible, putting fun last, thinking constantly of the future...) In the teenage sense. Teenagers perceive adults as all-knowing and sure. But once out of the teen, college, and early post-college years you see that this is sort of bullshit. Adults, really, have no idea what is going on. (Ok. Maybe this is coming from me because I my family recently died. I don't know.)