Poverty + Beer + Gambling = Americorps

I thought for a long time that the reason that Americorps volunteers got paid so little was so they could experience what it means to be poor. Most members are privileged enough to take "time off" from competitive adult life and earning a good wage to "do good." Or something like that. And ALL americorps members qualify for food stamps. (Except for kids with trust funds, which is funny and I do actually know someone who didn't do americorps because she wouldn't qualify for food stamps because of a trust fund.) It seems like a logical conclusion to me that the US government would want one aspect of americorps to be the experience of poverty. (Ok. Ok. I know this is impossible because I do have nice, straight teeth and patagonia gear and am educated....)

A friend pointed out that the government isn't trying create a real-life poverty experience for us but wants us to serve our county and also make a sacrifice. Does service = sacrifice? I am not sure. I don't really feel like I am sacrificing anything but that is probably because I have a $10,000 credit card limit.

Anyway. Back to the story. There is no recycling in Lake Co. Cans, newspapers, white office paper, and corrugated cardboard ONLY. No pizza boxes. Until about April I didn't even know where the recycling center was. I have been putting all my recycling since October in my garage. Recently, after having a small party I decided I should return my bottles. I also noticed that some friends had a ton of bottles and offered to redeem those as well. They had a ton. Free money. Thank you Tom McCall.

My past history with bottle returning is short. I have only lived in states that redeem bottles. I remember doing it as a kid and we would split the money and buy candy. There wasn't really much beer or soda in our house growing up so we would get like $3 every 6 months. And onetime I returned bottles with Mindy Williams, whose father loves Heinnekin, in high school and got like $20. And I think one time senior year in college I returned bottles for about $20. But mostly I've just left them on the streets and let bums return them or donate them to the Vinalhaven seniors. And I felt good about it. Donations. And I think one time I returned bottles last summer and it was miserable. And easy to forget.

Anyway. Returning bottles is a really good bad idea. In Lakeview, they have those machines where you cram bottles in and it spits out a ticket and then you go inside and they give you the money. So yesterday I did this after work with two carloads of bottles. I was wearing my Americorps shirt. Being prideful of my county and service and being a steward of the environment. Perfect. What else does a girl need? I felt really good for like 7 minutes. On the machines there are clocks so I was very aware of time passing and not passing. And then I spilt an old, dank, stale beer on my forearm and shirt. And then I was like WTF. Why am I here. What am I doing. And I hope no one sees me. I mean if someone I work with thinks I drank this much beer it is totally embarrassing. And I am spending the time returning these bottles. Am I that hard up. I guess.

Ok fast forward an hour and 14 minutes. I am done. I am hot. I am dirty. I am pissed. And I am poor. Total amount $40.45. I then spend $16 on beer and $4 on two lottery tickets. Kept $20 in my pocket. I was still pissed even with the money and beer. The work was mis and embarrassing and dirty. And I only spent the money on the scratch-off tickets because I am poor and liked the idea of possibly winning $1 million.

And then I scratched the tickets.

And I won $20. Sick. Its amazing to win scratch tickets. I then had 30 beers, $40.45, and a sense of accomplishment. I was also still dirty and ended up sharing 15 beers with the folks who gave me the cans and celebrating by watching Flaming Lips rock videos and loving Oregon. Also, with a 4% increase in my June monthly income I think I will go to dinner and rent a movie. Yes.

At this point I don't know whether to thank or be angry at my Americorps experience about this recent rollercoaster of emotions. If I wasn't pretending to be poor/sacrificing for this county I wouldn't have returned the bottles. I am pretty excited to move to a college town this fall so I can return to business as usual and put my empties on the street for bums. And feel good about it. And not get dirty and pissed.

Success

So I've been thinking a lot about success recently. A combination of my 5th year college reunion and having most of my projects in Lakeview wrapping up.

5th year college reunion was sick. A moment like no other. College with perspective, maybe. I really felt like everyone there was there and able to embrace it. No one was too cool. Maybe one person. But pretty much everyone did it and did it well.

I can't believe that it has been five years since graduating. I guess when I think back to all of the places I've slept, articles I've read, fun I've had, bad times I've had then yeah sure its been five years. Vinalhaven seems like forever ago... I think its more crazy to think that it was 9 years ago that I moved into Clark 111 and met some many people that I hold close to my heart.

Anyway, at Reunion there was a panel of five "successful" classmates. It included a lawyer (a girl who had gone to law school straight out of college), a children's book writer (who family funded the printing of the book on under their own name), a woman who had been a child actor and has continued to be an actress as a grown up, a nyc blogging comedian, and someone else. I forget. I didn't attend. But I was sort of put off by the idea of it. A group convo would have been more appropriate. You know we all sit down and talk about what success is and why we think we have achieved it or whatever. I was (obvi) pissed I wasn't asked to speak on the panel.

It also made me think about what success is to me. I am not really sure. I am headed to graduate school in the fall. That may be part of it. I skied 31 days this year. That may be part of it. I caught two 25 inch rainbow trout last week. I also caught countless brook trout on dry flies (a first.) And that counts too. I think.

Here is wikkipedia's take on it: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Success

And those guys (we) don't even have a definition.

And now at work I am writing reports about all of my projects here. And again I am like wtf. Yes things did happen. I started two farmers markets, trained community members to lead programs, taught 3 adult ed classes, taught in the high school.... So I was successful. Should I sit back and smile and have a Cinder Cone. I don't know.

And what makes it more confusing is knowing folks around here and how f-ed they are. Yes there are farmers' markets for folks to sell things but is there life overall is not changing. They are poor, they have kids in Iraq, kids in jail and can't afford bail, meth problems, the price of gasoline for their old cars and pickups is only getting steeper....

I wish success and feeling good was as simple as it was in high school. You made the team. Yes, congratulations. You got an A on a French quiz. Nice, lets have pizza. You were elected to the student council. Great. You got into college early descision. Awesome, your hard work has paid off.

Things seem a bit more complicated now. Or maybe its that now no one really cares. Or maybe I don't let anyone define it for me anymore. Or maybe I have already arrived and am success. And its the norm.