Checking In

I remember talking to my therapist, in a conversation about living in Vermont and being underemployed, about checking in. I had just met someone who recently bought a condo and a dog but still had a pony and was actively fighting off the banality of adulthood. It seemed bizarre that this guy only wanted to be young and free (I was 25, he was 33) yet he was actively making choices that pushed him closer (a close that was unarguable and progressively more serious) to adulthood and further from early 20s/freedom/just outside of white middle-class values. It was surprising to me then and still now how much tension this man had with his choices- making them and hating them. The therapist called this checking in and said all people do it. And the ones that don't, well, it is clear.

This summer, age 28, part way into concurrent masters degrees- Maggie McConnell and I joked about her older brother and how in just 12 months finished a PhD, got married, bought house, had baby. We referenced it often and laughed about how totally insane it was to do all of those big deal things in such a short period of time. Maggie had just finished her PhD and could not be further from the last 3 items on the above list which made it funnier. And I had a dog and was partway through a masters program and felt far, far away as well.

Now, here I am 6 weeks from these conversations with Maggie and feel as though I have checked in. That I am an adult: one that is responsible, thinks of the future, accepts the situations that are less than ideal, is kind to all, smiles when I need to, wants to go to bed and wake up early, works out 4 days a week at 6am, blowdries hair, feeds dog, thinks of others...

Jesus.

And I sit here and do not know exactly what it is- could it be that I am taking on debt and that I will have to pay back a rate higher then $151.22/month? Could it be that I am in a serious relationship with an adult? I mean he has kids, owned a home, always thinks of others... Could it be that mba-school is serious and in turn I am serious? Could it be that all I think about is value- invent, maintain, grow? Or maybe that I am finally actually going to run a .5 marathon and last week I ran 10.5 miles and my food hurt for 3 days?

I don't know. All I know is that I feel different then I have before. And in many ways have checked in. And I guess what that means to me now, on a Saturday night, in bed reviewing for a marketing midterm, is that I am boring. Or more specifically, adventure free. Seriously, its true. Nothing. I don't even take my mountain bike out in town for quick rides or fly fish- I live like 3 miles from world-class fishing.

Not only have I stopped riding the snake. I have caged the snake.

Yellow Dog

So, yesterday the yellow dog was hit by a car. He left the back yard (I left the gate a bit open and he escaped) and was sniffing around the neighborhood. I was in the shower and then realized that he was gone. I went to the front porch and called him. He came tearing across the street. And was nailed by a mini-van. He continued on and came into the house and went up to his bed. The driver of the mini-van pulled over and apologized and gave me his number to call about the bill. And the mini-van was dented.

So, I took Diesel to the Vet ER. His body was fine. He did have some black grease on his shoulder and haunches where he was hit. He was also smelling nasty. The folks at the hospital said he was in the best condition of any dog that had been hit by a car. And the smell was his anal glands which he expelled. This happens in moments of terrible stress. He was fine, all his vitals were normal. He was prescribed some animal grade IB profin. And I have to watch him and make sure nothing changes. The bill was $120.

So, I called the buy who hit him. I thanked him for stopping and caring. I told him about the pricetag and he said he would stop by. Umm. Anyway, he did stop by. And gave me $50 towards the bill.

I am impressed with people. And my dog. I always think about Diesel v _____. Racoon, cat, bone... whatever. And I always have the oposition winning. But I found out that is not true with Diesel v mini-van. Diesel took it home. I hope he will stop being dumb. Or I will stop being dumb. The whole thing was super scary.

In other news, today I went to Blockbuster to rent a movie. Tired of school and public library films. And when I went up to pay. The lady asked for my member number. I didn't have one. And she was like have you ever had an account. I was like no. She was shocked. So, apparently I am a late bloomer in the Blockbuster world. By the way, there is nothing special about Blockbuster and I cannot believe how many copies of each movie they have on the shelf. This is what makes it different from local, independent stores, no?