My Neighbor Part II

Last night as I was getting ready for bed I heard a knock on my front door. It was dark and a bit sketchy especially since the night before, my two friends, Clarke and Prescott came by at 11:45. I was dead asleep after having gone to be at 9:30 and heard this banging on the door. I didn't have my phone on and it was so scary. It was worst case scenario for a woman living by herself. Yes, I should have just stayed in bed and pretended I wasn't home but I answered the door to find two dudes in cowboy hats, tight jeans, plaid tucked-in shirts, and boots wasted at my door. Scary. But it was two of my favorite people out here so I let them in and we chatted for a while. Telling me all sorts of secrets.

Anyway, back to Chuck. So I am brushing my teeth and in my jammies and I flick the porch light on and its Chuck. My first thought is oh shit he is wasted and wants to chill. I open the door and he is all smiles with this bizarre sling on. Basically a harness around his chest and one arm is attached. WTF.

So I am like what happen. And smiling Chuck says, I fell off a quad while riding over sagebrush.
What is a quad?
A four wheeler.
Oh. What were you doing partying?
No. Cowboying.
Oh. OK.
Look. (Chuck pulls down his shirt, an undershirt, to reveal a broken bone.)
Gross.

So here I am thinking ok. Neat. Is this dude drunk or what. Does he want to hangout. Is he on painkillers...

And Chuck says, "well the doctor said I might need help and since the old lady is gone I thought I'd ask you. You see I need help to get this off." And then he turned around and showed me the clips in the middle of his back.

I am like ok. I can totally help just come by. And then I tell him I am leaving for 2.5 weeks Tuesday and can't really help.

He smiles and says ok and then leaves.

My Neighbor

I live in a duplex, right in the middle of town. The person on the other side of the house is woman named Sue. She is some sort of nurse but holds no degree, she grew up in town, she is middle aged, smokes, and is very nice. I am pretty sure she is married to a man named Chuck. Sue used to invite me to go trolling for men at the local bar but then Chuck got out of prison so Sue has been laying low.

Chuck is an older cowboy. People tell me he used to own a huge ranch and have a bunch of cattle but he lost it in the 80's. My guess is that he drank it and gambled it away. He is missing a front tooth and chews tobacco and does not spit anything out. He is very polite. He shoveled my walk a bunch of times, he showed me how to fix the power when its overloaded, and always says hello and attempts to engage in small talk. I probably push his limits on this but whatever.

And my house only has one key. My landlord tried to make a copy but the key was so old they didn't have a mold. And the door is really old too so they can't just replace the handle. And the door automatically locks when I shut it. So I have one key. And I have locked myself out a few times. To get back into my house I have to knock on Sue + Chuck's door have them lead me through their house to the basement, turn the lights on, and then wait till I yell, "OK. I'm in." It is pretty embarrassing and has happened maybe 6 times since moving in in October.

Since Chuck doesn't work, or as he says, "Tries not to work." It works out. But I do have slight panic attacks that maybe they could go in their if they wanted. Whatever. I don't think they would and I think they would be unimpressed by my gear. They seem more into TV.

Ok. So the most recent case of me needing to go into my house through the basement was Saturday. I hadn't seen Sue around so I had two friends wait outside. It was just Chuck. He let me in, the house smelled like dog piss, and he sort of chuckled and said it was no big deal. I was pretty uncomfortable and said, "At least you're not scary."

Last night I was heading home around 8:15 from a different neighbor's house. And in front of my house was a drunk man, peeing. Totally gross. At first I thought it was Chuck. But then he introduced himself as Ron and told me about the cowboy dinner he had just had with Chuck. Ahhh. Ron is also missing a front tooth. Or maybe two. And then he invited me in for a drink. I, obviously, declined and went into my house. He then sort of followed me and was excited that I was Chuck's neighbor.

I was in my house taking my shoes off, getting ready to watch The Puffy Chair, when I hear a banging on the door. It was Ron. And he asked again if I wanted a drink and Chuck was there too, looking for Ron. I accepted and said, "Just one."

Highlights of my 1.5 hour convo with the two, washed up, toothless, middle aged cowboys:

• being offered Franzia Merlot (pronounced merle-lot)
• being offered a vodka + collins mix
• being offered a sip of Chuck's vodka + collins mix
• hearing that Chuck and Sue were getting divorced
• being told to take the maytag because g-dammit Chuck was not going to move it again
• being told that Chuck liked it when I locked myself out
• being told to just come in the side door if no one was home, the door is always unlocked
• being told that Chuck didn't know what I meant when I said he wasn't scary. Then he made a "scary" face and suddenly it was Halloween.
  
• being told stories about Chuck's claustrophobia
• impressing both cowboys by telling them I could sleep a full night in a zipped up mummy sleeping bag
• getting accused of being a tree-hugger
• being told that Chuck pays for the water heater (his electric bill is double mine)
• being told that Chuck hears my boots in the morning and my guitar picking and singing in the evenings. (I apologized and promised to be quieter and he said, "No, thats your house and your business.)
• Watching both men put in multiple lippers and not spit
  
• after finishing my merle-lot getting a full glass to take home

So yeah. I got home and then shoved my dryer in front of that basement door. Now I am amused. last night I was definitely uncomfortable.