Checking In

I remember talking to my therapist, in a conversation about living in Vermont and being underemployed, about checking in. I had just met someone who recently bought a condo and a dog but still had a pony and was actively fighting off the banality of adulthood. It seemed bizarre that this guy only wanted to be young and free (I was 25, he was 33) yet he was actively making choices that pushed him closer (a close that was unarguable and progressively more serious) to adulthood and further from early 20s/freedom/just outside of white middle-class values. It was surprising to me then and still now how much tension this man had with his choices- making them and hating them. The therapist called this checking in and said all people do it. And the ones that don't, well, it is clear.

This summer, age 28, part way into concurrent masters degrees- Maggie McConnell and I joked about her older brother and how in just 12 months finished a PhD, got married, bought house, had baby. We referenced it often and laughed about how totally insane it was to do all of those big deal things in such a short period of time. Maggie had just finished her PhD and could not be further from the last 3 items on the above list which made it funnier. And I had a dog and was partway through a masters program and felt far, far away as well.

Now, here I am 6 weeks from these conversations with Maggie and feel as though I have checked in. That I am an adult: one that is responsible, thinks of the future, accepts the situations that are less than ideal, is kind to all, smiles when I need to, wants to go to bed and wake up early, works out 4 days a week at 6am, blowdries hair, feeds dog, thinks of others...

Jesus.

And I sit here and do not know exactly what it is- could it be that I am taking on debt and that I will have to pay back a rate higher then $151.22/month? Could it be that I am in a serious relationship with an adult? I mean he has kids, owned a home, always thinks of others... Could it be that mba-school is serious and in turn I am serious? Could it be that all I think about is value- invent, maintain, grow? Or maybe that I am finally actually going to run a .5 marathon and last week I ran 10.5 miles and my food hurt for 3 days?

I don't know. All I know is that I feel different then I have before. And in many ways have checked in. And I guess what that means to me now, on a Saturday night, in bed reviewing for a marketing midterm, is that I am boring. Or more specifically, adventure free. Seriously, its true. Nothing. I don't even take my mountain bike out in town for quick rides or fly fish- I live like 3 miles from world-class fishing.

Not only have I stopped riding the snake. I have caged the snake.

Excited

So, its been a big week. A destination wedding of a life long friend and the actual start of MBA school. Solid gold. Solid gold.

Sara von Lake's Hawaii Wedding. I mean anytime anyone has a wedding please make it multiple days and in a beautiful place. This one was like getting a hug. (very much like the majority of my summer.) All of Vermont was transfered to the Big Island. And suddenly skits and Hawaiian shirts were the norm as were giblets before 5pm. Old and new came together to celebrate and that is what happened. I want to list here the moments and food and levels of intoxication but that would minimize the goodness. The entire deal was real and true and a long g-damn time coming. As I flew to Hawaii, a mere 6 hours from Portland. I kept thinking this (Sara getting married) is one of the few things I know and have known for many years is going to happen. And it did. And obviously it was amazing. Solid. Gold.

MBA School.

I guess I wish you all knew how funny it is. It is what many of us would think. This evening while reading Principals of Corporate Finance I came across this gem, "The business and financial sections of most United States dailies are, except for local news, nearly worthless for the financial manager." (Brealy Meyers Allen, 10) And this is after it said the Times was fine. Wall Street Journal, Wall Street Journal, Wall Street Journal. I love when things are exactly how we make fun of them.

Additional Observations:

• A lot of soda is consumed, even in the mornings.
• Amount of sport references is, almost, excessive.
• People love Nike.
• People love Starbucks. And they take it in disposable containers. And it is adjacent to a local coffee shop.
• Lots of talk of Walmart.

Now, I think what is most amazing, is a total lack of judgement on my part. I have been near to, mostly in planning school, a group of people who do not have any of the above preferences with the exception of Walmart talk the majority of which is negative. It is amazing. And what I am going to learn is so useful. My father made the point earlier today that this is what any sort of professional school is like coming from a liberal arts school. Sure. But seriously, this stuff is the everyday in America.

First Day of MBA School

Yep. So today I finished my first day of MBA School. It went really well- we met in the afternoon, had a few welcoming talks, took a Meyers-Briggs test, were photographed, were given passwords and new email accounts and fancy name tags and a leather folder that has a zipper around the edge and don't know what it is called although Erin K. definitely wood. All business.

Some things:

1. It is amazing how interested the Dean and support staff are in our success. It is so extreme and genuine that I would describe it as parental.
2. The ratio of men to women is surprising. I mean I know it is business but really. I keep thinking of all of the "women and minorities encouraged to apply" on just about every application I turn in. Here it is mostly men. Young men. Apparently, most community development jobs attract women whereas MBA school attracts men.
   

And I am super excited to get it on. Yeahhh.

I am an asshole.

I just got my 2008 W-2. This year I made $9,124.50.

And this is why:

• skiied 31 days
• long weekend in Tahoe
  
• two 2 week trips to the east coast
• 6 day backpacking trip in Eagle Cap Wilderness
  
• countless days flyfishing
• explored Crater Lake and Steens Mountain
  
• bought mountain bike
• got dog
• spent 22 days in Nicaragua
• and I paid off my credit card
  

I am not really sure about the math on this one. As the above amount was pre-tax.

Somemore on Our New President

Frank Rich:

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/01/18/opinion/18rich.html?_r=1&em

And:

"Next to much of our history, this is small stuff. And yet: Of all the coverage of Obama’s victory, the most accurate take may still be the piquant morning-after summation of the satirical newspaper The Onion. Under the headline “Black Man Given Nation’s Worst Job,” it reported that our new president will have “to spend four to eight years cleaning up the messes other people left behind.”

Those messes are enormous, bigger than Washington, bigger than race, bigger than anything most of us have ever seen. Nearly three months after Election Day, it remains astonishing that the American people have entrusted the job to a young black man who seemed to come out of nowhere looking for that kind of work just as we most needed him.

“In no other country on earth is my story even possible,” Obama is fond of saying. That is true, and that is what the country celebrates this week. But it is all the tragic American stories that came before him, some of them still playing out in chilly streets just blocks from the White House, that throw both his remarkable triumph and the huge challenge ahead of him into such heart-stopping relief."

Barack Obama

So tomorrow is the day. Our favorite president elect will become our 44th president. He will also be the first African American president. I don't usually write about politics (unless of course you believe all writing and/or expression is political) and want to apologize in advance if this is annoying.

There is something so emotionally overwhelming about Barack. I don't know but I am taken aback by it. In the January 19th New Yorker, there is this amazing photo and interview exerts from 1996 of and with Michelle and Barack. It is incredibly intimate and honest and real. And that is what gets me. I can't believe he is going to be at the helm of our great nation.

I recently had been sort of over him. Like when he chose all those experienced, ivy-leaugers to fill his cabinate and realizing that the kind of change I am imagining in no way could come from within our system. And I was thinking the problems he is inherting are so large that anything he does is will be judged as failure. And that he was too well marketed. (Naomi Klien...) And being annoyed at the emails I still get asking for money.

This morning I talked to both of my grandpas. And the republican one started a conversation about tomorrow. And he said, "Well at least we all know he is smart." Yeah. He is smart. And he is fucked and our country is fucked.

I am remembering back now to November 4. I did not think he could win. And when he did. When they called the election at just after 8pm pacific time, not only did he win, he dominated. Totally killed it. I was surprised. I was setting myself up for disappointment. And here I am now doing the same thing. So, I am taking an active of role in no expectations. Nothing. Just Bush leaving is amazing. Anything President Obama does on top will be even better. So I guess I will end it with god bless america. Here we go, another moment we will test this thing called democracy.

And also I love how the US is pulling a 3rd world by having Obama heads all over tshirts, posters, buildings, buttons, flags...

2k9 To Do List

Umm. Well its that time of year again. A time to reflect and make New Year Resolutions. I don't really like the idea of huge changes when the year changes. And it makes sense the older I get and the shorter the years feel. Anyway, here is my to-do list for 2009. Organized by category and in no particular order. And please note I made this list on my journey in Nicaragua.

Education

• expand spanish vocabulary, improve spanish accent
• design, run, present Tanzania Community Asset Mapping Project
• apply, be accepted, begin mba school
• keep perspective on school, value the passing time
• at least one day a week = no school
  

Recreation

• fish rivers in and around Eugene
• go on fishing trip with George Collins
• camp on Steens Mountain
• Ski. Ski. Ski. 5 days lift serve, 3 days backcountry (weak compared to 31 days last season)
  

Yellow Dog (At breakfast club this morning I was accused that all Diesel related tasks were actually things I want to do myself but cannot verbalize it. You decide.)

• help yellow dog drop 10 lbs
• train yellow dog
  

Personal Development

• go to dentist
• get health insurance
• start therapy
• sit down while eating at least 80% of the time
• fix computer, fix car
• run .5 marathon, seriously, i've bailed 2 times now. I am fucking serious.

Yeah. That is it for 2009. Some specific, some general. A good to do list. And I am also working on being patient, understanding, less mean, more responsible, kinder, understanding, and forgiving.

Huge year kids, huge year. Happy 2009.

I still cannot believe Barack Obama is president. I never thought I would see this day and I just read something he wrote and was, again, brought to tears. Keep up the good fight.

Yellow Dog

So, yesterday the yellow dog was hit by a car. He left the back yard (I left the gate a bit open and he escaped) and was sniffing around the neighborhood. I was in the shower and then realized that he was gone. I went to the front porch and called him. He came tearing across the street. And was nailed by a mini-van. He continued on and came into the house and went up to his bed. The driver of the mini-van pulled over and apologized and gave me his number to call about the bill. And the mini-van was dented.

So, I took Diesel to the Vet ER. His body was fine. He did have some black grease on his shoulder and haunches where he was hit. He was also smelling nasty. The folks at the hospital said he was in the best condition of any dog that had been hit by a car. And the smell was his anal glands which he expelled. This happens in moments of terrible stress. He was fine, all his vitals were normal. He was prescribed some animal grade IB profin. And I have to watch him and make sure nothing changes. The bill was $120.

So, I called the buy who hit him. I thanked him for stopping and caring. I told him about the pricetag and he said he would stop by. Umm. Anyway, he did stop by. And gave me $50 towards the bill.

I am impressed with people. And my dog. I always think about Diesel v _____. Racoon, cat, bone... whatever. And I always have the oposition winning. But I found out that is not true with Diesel v mini-van. Diesel took it home. I hope he will stop being dumb. Or I will stop being dumb. The whole thing was super scary.

In other news, today I went to Blockbuster to rent a movie. Tired of school and public library films. And when I went up to pay. The lady asked for my member number. I didn't have one. And she was like have you ever had an account. I was like no. She was shocked. So, apparently I am a late bloomer in the Blockbuster world. By the way, there is nothing special about Blockbuster and I cannot believe how many copies of each movie they have on the shelf. This is what makes it different from local, independent stores, no?